I'm a homebody. I like my routine, my bed, my kitchen, my way of cooking... and in eight weeks I'll be packing enough personal "stuff" for myself and my girls for ten days away from home, boarding a plane (not a fan of flying... AT ALL) and flying 5 hours to Ontario for a long overdue visit with my family. And I'm fighting the anxiety that is increasing almost exponentially with each passing day.
The thing that really has me in knots is the fear of forgetting something crucial in relation to Jenna's diabetes management. This disease requires lots of paraphernalia to stay on top of things and I'm fearful that I'll be on that plane as it taxis down the runway moments away from becoming airborne and suddenly have the sickening realization that I've forgotten something HUGE! It's a bit silly, mind you, because anyone who knows me knows I'm the queen of organization and I'm not at all above employing an arsenal of safe-guards in an effort to prevent just such a disaster. But I'm also playing the "what if" game. What if she gets sick? What if the travel causes her numbers to do something CRAZY? What if I drop and break her only bottle of insulin? What if... what if... what if...
I am working at trying to relax about it all by reminding myself that I seldom get to see my family and all this worrying is going to detract from my enjoyment of the occasion. But in my defense, I have spent nearly a year working constantly at trying to maintain control over a disease that never sleeps and is determined not to be controlled and having to continue that battle while adding even MORE variables to the mix (as if there aren't enough already), i.e. new routine and surroundings, time change, possible exposure to pathogens, new diet, etc. scares the crap out of me!
I sincerely hope I can come to terms with this and not let it cast a dark shadow over the whole experience. Because that will effect how my girls perceive things and I want them to have a positive, fun visit with my side of our family; the side they hardly know.
My own Mom hasn't even met Jenna yet! And that's just wrong.